Everything is possible if you are Hiruma Youichi
by kawaiimiku
Summary: Hiruma and Riku used to date until Riku ran off with Monta, setting up a series of events that lead Hiruma to sleep around until finally he settles down for good after one good advice. Crack


Title: Love and War

Pairings: Hiruma/many, slight Takami/Sakuraba and Shin/Sena

Summary: Hiruma and Riku used to date until Riku ran off with Monta, setting up a series of events that lead Hiruma to sleep around until finally he settles down for good after one good advice.

Rating: R

Warnings: Language, mentions of sexual encounters and suggestive material, and don't forget the crack.

A/N: Inspired from the meme answers I read over in LiveJournal.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Hiruma figured, having a relationship with Riku might work, even with a 0.7% chance. Riku was good-looking, definitively a submissive bed partner and didn't act like a girl all the time. So he was a great match, in his standards. Sadly, their capability was low, but Hiruma was willing to win over the odds. Even so, he prepared himself for the worst case scenario. What he didn't expect was the way said worst scenario was executed and how. He was mad as hell.

Out of all fucking people it had to be the monkey- Yes, Kaitani Riku had just cheated on him with none other than Monta himself. He had been outside his boyfriend's bedroom window, hiding under the branches of a tree, spying on him when he saw them. They stumbled into the room, clothes flying everywhere and then some.

Hiruma never expected it to be Monta, if anyone; it would be either the fucking shrimp or even Shien. He was prepared to deal with the affair, but Riku was faster than he was.

Riku called his phone, after finishing having sex with Monta and said; "I know you are outside my window, spaying on me. I know you found about Monta. I'm sorry… But I fell for a monkey."

Hiruma never expected the emotional baggage that came with all. They have had a good, happy relationship. Riku didn't seem all that bothered with his antics, and he enjoyed the quite company and the sometimes competitiveness around the dates. Now, Riku had left him, fleeing to the arms of a monkey.

He went to a bar. He knew he was acting stupid but dammit. Right now, he didn't want to think about a damn thing. Sure, once he gets his act together and stopped moping he was going to extract revenge on the two. Both the monkey and Kaitani would pay hell.

"Hiruma?"

Someone called his name. He realized it was Kakei from the Poseidons. He smiled a wicked smile. Kakei was good looking, tall and lean, with defined, calculating eyes. And with the looks of things, eh was getting drunk. He glided sideways towards him, and started to chat him up.

If Kakei had been sober, he might have realized Hiruma was up to something. Sadly his mind wasn't being very sharp at the moment. So when Hiruma rubbed his hand against his thigh he giggled. He was still upset about their loss against the Devil Bats. Also, this would Kobizame-sempai's last game season and he felt like he had failed him, even if the kind captain told him otherwise. So now, here he was, on a bar, getting wasted because that was how he coped with failure ever since he had gone to America.

Hiruma kept whispering against his ear, offering him more drinks. Everything was starting to get hazy, and Hiruma's hand had started to slide inside his shirt, rubbing his naked skin. It was warm and gentle, and then not so gentle when the hand reached on of his nipples and Kakei had to bite down a moan.

What was Hiruma doing to him? His lips were being kissed, his body lifted upwards. He was being guided somewhere. In the back of his mind he could tell something was off, that he should run away- but dammit, Hiruma's hands and lips felt too good.

The next day Kakei woke up with a sore back and an aching headache. He rolled to the side of the bed, groaning. What had happened last night? All he remembers was going to the bar, ordering drinks, seeing Hiruma, talking to Hiruma, being groped and kissed by Hiruma and then it got hazy. Blinking, he slowly got up, only to regret it. He bolted out of the bed with a speed that could rival Sena's, going straight to the nearest trash can.

Everything from last night and what not came out, leaving a bitter taste in Kakei's mouth. That was when he noticed stickiness in between his legs. When he placed his hand there and took a look at it, his eyes widened in horror.

There was a post-it note posted on the wall in front of him. In there, were Hiruma's messily written words "I filmed everything. From now on you will become my slave, unless you want the video out there for everyone to see. What do you think will happen Kakei-chan? YA-HA!"

After his one nightstand with Kakei, Hiruma had finally gotten his act together. From his previous spying on Riku and Monta he had filmed a video, from said video he made a copy and sent it to them with a letter saying if they didn't want the video out along with other much dirtier and deeper secrets they had to become his sexual slaves. For awhile it worked, he had hell of a lot of fun having two very submissive partners as long as he didn't distributed any dirty material, but after awhile he got bored. He told them their slavery was done and sold the video as porn; he made a lot of profit from that too, so it wasn't that bad.

So after all that hassle, he had decided to start dating Agon. Maybe it was masochism from his side. But dammit, he wanted to date the opposite of Riku and Agon was just perfect. Riku was a gentleman, Agon was not, Riku was quiet in demeanor, Agon was loud, Riku was competitive all the time, Agon wasn't, and he didn't give a fuck until the opponent forced him to be serious. But he had to admit it, this one was one of the worst choices of his life.

Agon was a bastard, didn't give a crap about anything, neither did Hiruma, but dammit, at least he was faithful! From one cheating bastard to the other. Their relationship was sexually physical only, but Agon had to go and get jealous about everything and beating everything that was within one mile radius near him, while having sex with multiple partners. He wasn't consistent, and didn't give a though about anything. So it was fairly obvious Hiruma was going to break up with him. It was too much stupidity placed in one 'genius' body.

"What the fuck do you mean 'we are over', trash?" Hiruma sighed, he hated repeating himself, but Agon was driving him crazy. "I say, I'm not fucking you anymore. Now, fuck off!" That was when Agon proceeds to kiss the shit out of him, and fuck him right there and then. Not that Hiruma minded much, he let it happen, but not without Agon paying the prize. After he had been 'done', Hiruma started to act nicely, preparing him a delicious meal. Agon, feeling placid from the great sex, doesn't think twice about it, until the moment he is about to eat the food, his reflexes act up, throwing the food away. Too late, Hiruma already expected this and shot him with a sedative with his gun. The next time Agon woke up was in a hospital, in great pain around the family jewels, a very cute nurse was trying to explain him, amidst the screaming that he was getting surgery to re-attach his almost detached from the body, member. It was no surprise that Agon screamed more, horrified.

Love was crap, in all shapes and forms. Everyone was meant to screw you over. Once again he was at the bar. The same bar he had meet and slept with Kakei. He didn't saw him in there. No surprise there, Kakei was most likely doing things in a way where no blackmail material would come out of ever again. Good for him, Hiruma snorted.

It was a surprise for him to see Shin seating in a lonely stool. Ah, maybe another glorious night for him awaited him. He glided towards him, and offered the stoic boy a drink and promptly got rejected. Shin wasn't here to drink, then what?

"I have been strategically placed here by Takami-sempai in order to 'distract' Sakuraba's fan girls. I'm waiting for Kobakaya Sena to come out of the bathroom."

Okay, that was unexpected. He did see Takami standing outside the man's bathroom, adjusting his glasses. That bastard. He was up to something that involved his started running back. He needed to find out. "Why did Takami placed you here strategically." He needed to be careful with how he worded his words, so he didn't seem suspicious or anything. Shin looked at him, thinking up something. It was if he was deciding whether or not to tell him. In the end, he told him. "Takami-sempai recruited Kobakaya Sena and my help. Currently there are many Sakuraba fans standing outside this establishment, waiting for Sakuraba to come out. Takami-sempai and Sakuraba are attempting to go on a date from some time ago, but had been hindered by fan girls. The four of us came together to this bar with one purpose, to get separated from the fan girls, giving us time."

That made sense. A bar wouldn't allow in so many people inside at the same time, so only one of the fan girls would be allowed inside. When he looked outside, he noticed all of them fighting about who was going to get inside and spy on their idol. So they succeeded on keeping away from them temporarily, but that wouldn't last long. So there had to be something else to the plan, in which involved Shin and Sena. He had a rough idea but… "So distracting the fan girls give you enough time for what?"

"Time enough for Kobakaya Sena disguise himself as Sakuraba and for Sakuraba to disguise himself." So he was planning on having Sena as bait. Very smart, but knowing how violent and intense the fan girls could get, it had the potential of getting someone hurt. And if Sena was going to act as their idol and they would find out…

Ke ke ke ke

That would be fun.

"I am to act as Kobakaya Sena's escort. I will make it my mission to make sure not a single fan girl lays their hands on him. He won't get hurt."

Another smart move from Takami; if his running back got hurt, he would have his hide. Though he couldn't blame him. The poor guy probably wanted some privacy with his lovers and the fan girls weren't helping either. Desperate times, call for desperate measures.

"I believe an escort's job is to make sure their charge is well protected and taken care of. I will not allow harm to come to him." There was a fire to his eyes. Hiruma smirked. "So I see, I'll trust you with my running back. He does have a fine ass, doesn't he? I wouldn't want that ass to get hurt." Sena might have a great ass, but Hiruma wasn't interested in it. But if his suspicious were true, then Shin was interested in said ass. "It's inappropriate for the team captain to sexually harass their younger team member." So Shin did know thinks nonrelated to football. "Then Takami is not allowed to be Sakuraba's lover?"

"They care for each other; Takami-sempai does not sexually harass Sakuraba. They respect and care for each other greatly. A lover should be treated with respect, love and care. A lover should be a person you respect and care for, someone you listen to and listens to you, someone who looks at you and only you. Why would you want to be with someone who you know doesn't understand you?"

Shin was saying some deep stuff. How did he know so much? "I wan Sena as a lover. I'll ask him after the Christmas Bowl. We can't allow ourselves to be distracted from our goals. Do you approve of this?"

That had been unexpected. Hiruma could only cackle. "Sure, do whatever the fuck you want." He could care less, as long as it didn't distract his running back. If it did, then Shin was going to die. "Just doesn't fucking distract him from the game." That had been the moment Sena had gotten out of the bathroom, wearing a wig similar to Sakuraba's hairstyle and wearing his clothes, followed by a hooded figure who he guessed was Sakuraba. He stood up, making his way out. There was no reason to stay in there anymore expect to get drunk, but Hiruma didn't feel up to it anymore.

It was around the following week that Hiruma started to think a lot about Musashi and what Shin had told him. Dammit. What was his brain thinking? Musashi wasn't that good-looking; he had the face of an old man, and even acted like one. But Musashi was one of the few people who cared t really notices him. The man didn't mind his antics, if anything, he let him run wild, but would talk him down if he thought it would bring perilous harm to others. Musashi would sit and listen and actually, Hiruma didn't mind listening to him.

So maybe all those muscles learned from hard work were actually attractive. That deep, rough voice that did wonders to him.

So yeah, maybe, just maybe he was falling for the kicker. Something said kicker noticed and Hiruma didn't care to hide.

They went their tippy toes around each other for awhile. Until Hiruma got tired (read as bored, maybe?).

"Did you really have to give me a blowjob in front of everyone?"

"Fucking old geezer, I was making a fucking public statement. You are fucking mine from now on."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

This is the meme answer that inspired this- "One and Nine are in a happy relationship until Nine suddenly runs off with Four. One, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Eleven and a brief unhappy affair with Twelve, then follows the wise advice of Five and finds true love with Three." What title would you give this fic? Name three people on your friends list who might read it. Name one person who should write it.

Hiruma and riku are in a happy relationship until riku suddenly runs off with monta. Hiruma, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with kakei, and a brief unhappy affair with agon, then follows the wise advice of shin and finds true love with musashi.


End file.
